Deep Healing Counseling

Tag: premarital counselling

  • MORE ON PREMARITAL COUSELLING QUESTIONNAIRE

    Are you in a serious relationship and looking to take it to the next level?

    Or are you engaged and getting married soon?

     Congratulations!

     But first, there may be some things that you and your fiancé need to talk about in advance. Speaking to each other honestly about these bigger topics (and everything else in your relationship) will enable you both to get on the same page and have harmony.

    The premarital counseling questionnaire brings to light some very common, but important, questions that pave the way for you to have a healthy marriage. It prepares you and gives you an insight into what is ahead.  Read the Pre-marriage counseling questionnaire and find critical premarital questions every couple must discuss before getting married.

    1. Discuss your finances

    Finance is a major issue in a marriage and even one of the biggest issues in it especially when both people are not in line with one another. To avoid a huge problem later, you and your fiance should discuss your past, present, and future financial situations. Here are some questions to help:

    2. Get some facts straight about children

    Children are another important factor that should be discussed. I get that some people go into marriage with children already and some people do not. Either way, here are some questions to help you get started.

    If you don’t have children already, how many do you want?

    If you do have children, do you want more?

    How far apart would you like to have them?

    What are your beliefs about raising children?

    What are your beliefs about disciplining the children?

    3. Be on the same page about housing

    Do not be in a hurry or overly excited to tighten the knot to the extent that you will forget this very important aspect.   It may seem like knowing where to live is a “no-brainer” but it is still worth going over. Sometimes couples think they are on the same page about things then realize there may be some differences. Here are some questions to start that conversation:

    Will you be living with the in-laws?

    If yes, for how long?

    If you both have your own place, which one will you move to?

    If you do not have your own place yet, where will he be renting and what kind of accommodation?

    Do you want to rent or buy a house?

    Where do you want to live? (What city, etc.)

    4. Manage your expectations

    Everyone has expectations about their lives. Therefore, everyone has expectations about what they think they should contribute to a marriage and what their spouses should contribute. If as a woman you are asked to bring a certain contribution and you do not feel comfortable with it, now is the time to air things out.  It is vitally important to talk about what is expected in your marriage. Here are some expectation questions:

    How do you split the household chores?

    Are you both working?

    How many times per week do you think is it substantial to have sex?

    Are you both in charge of finances?

    5. Have transparency in the area of addictions

    I know that it sounds like it should be obvious if someone has an addiction issue. Trust me on this one, it can be very well hidden. It is a great idea to have complete transparency in this area to avoid major setbacks later. Ask each other these:

    How often do you drink?

    Do you gamble/bet? If so, how often?

    Is there or has there ever been an issue with substance abuse?

    Do you view pornography?

    6. Discuss faith

    If you and/or your spouse are people of faith, it should be discussed. Especially if you and your future spouse do not follow the same faith. Here are some starters to go over:

    Do you follow the same faith?

    If you do not follow the same faith, are you able to respect each other’s decisions in this area?

    Will you teach your children your faith?

    7. Consider sex and intimacy issues

    Consider sex and intimacy issues during premarital counseling

    Sex is quite a large part of a marriage. Sex allows married couples to become deeply connected to one another. If you are not on the same page when it comes to sex, it may cause issues in the future. Here are some questions to ponder over:

    How often should we have sex?

    Can either of you initiate it when desired?

    What will happen if one party does not feel like it?

    What is allowed in our sexual life?

    8. Discuss your future plans

    We all have dreams. While two become one once you’re married, your dreams don’t just go away. You are still very much your own person as well as one half of a partnership. Because of this, it is great to discuss what you both envision for the future. Here are some questions to prompt you:

    If as a woman you are still schooling or you intend to further your education, this is the time to table this.

    Do you wish to work?

    How do you plan to balance work and kids?

    Where do you envision yourself in five years?

    What job do you want to have in five years?

    What is your dream life?

    Asking these questions and diving deeper into what it truly means to be married is a great place to start your marriage. With the kind of marriages, we see around us today, almost everyone gets a little anxious about marriage. But you don’t have to stay anxious. I encourage you to continue to openly discuss these and any other topics that may arise. Cheers to a healthy, thriving marriage!

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  • 100 THINGS YOU SHOULD ASK ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE TO BE

    From all the happenings around us today, you will agree with me if I say it is very important to know who you are choosing as your life partner. Some of these questions here may appear odd to you but they are essential questions. Depending on your relationship with your fiance, you may not be able to ask all of this but you should be able to ask most of these questions to help you make better decisions. Remember not to put out your questions like an investigative police officer, ask your questions at a good time and in a diplomatic way. for some, you can actually be direct, it all depends on who you have as a suitor. Best wishes from my side. Also, remember that not all of these questions may apply to you, so do what suits your situation. May God bless you with the best.

    What does marriage mean to you?

    Have you ever been married?

    Are you presently married? This can apply in a polygamous setting.

    What are your marriage expectations?

    What are your life objectives? (both long-term and short-term)

    Determine three goals you want to achieve in the near future.

    Make a list of three long-term goals you aim to achieve.

    Why did you choose me as a possible spouse?

    What role does religion have in your life now?

    Are you a believer in God?

    What do you think an Islamic/Christian/other marriage entails?

    What religious expectations do you have for your spouse?

    What is your relationship like with the religious community in your neighborhood?

    Do you participate in any religious activities as a volunteer?

    What spiritual gifts do you have to offer your (spouse)?

    What does the husband’s role entail?

    What is the wife’s function?

    Do you want to be a polygamist in the future?

    What kind of relationship do you have with your family?

    What do you expect your relationship with your spouse’s family to be like?

    What kind of relationship do you think your spouse will have with your family?

    Is anyone in your family now residing with you?

    Do you intend to have any family members living with you in the future?

    What should I do if my relationship with your family deteriorates for any reason?

    What kind of pals do you have? (Make a list of at least three.)

    How did you become acquainted with them?

    What makes you think they’re your friends?

    What do you find most appealing about them?

    What will your connection with them be like once you are married?

    Do you have any male/female friends?

    What is the current state of your friendship with them?

    What will your connection with them be like once you are married?

    What kind of friendship do you want your partner to have with his or her friends?

    What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

    Would you enjoy entertaining our visitors in our home?

    When your friends come around, what do you anticipate from your spouse?

    What are your thoughts on various languages being spoken at home that I don’t understand? (in the company of friends or family)

    Do you like to travel?

    What do you do for fun during your vacations?

    What do you think your spouse should do during his or her vacations?

    Do you like to read?

    What do you like to read?

    Do you think you’ll be able to verbally communicate love feelings after you’ve married?

    Do you believe you’ll want to show your affection in public after you’ve married?

    How do you show your admiration for someone you’ve just met?

    How do you express gratitude to someone who has done you a favor?

    Do you prefer to express yourself through writing?

    How do you apologize if you make a mistake?

    How do you want someone to apologize to you if they have offended you?

    How long does it take you to forgive someone?

    In your life, how do you make major and less essential decisions?

    Do you use vulgarity at home? Is it appropriate to do so in public? Is it with your family?

    Do your buddies use offensive language?

    Is there any vulgarity in your family?

    What are your methods for expressing anger and frustration?

    How do you anticipate your spouse expressing his or her rage?

    When you’re angry, what do you do?

    When do you think it’s suitable to start a marriage mediation?

    How should a quarrel in your marriage, whether religious or not, be resolved?

    Define the terms “mental,” “verbal,” “emotional,” and “physical.”

    What would you do if you suspected yourself of being abused?

    If you were being assaulted, who would you call for help?

    Do you have a long-term illness or condition?

    Are you willing to have a physical examination by a doctor before getting married?

    How well do you understand the importance of good health and nutrition?

    What methods do you use to maintain your personal health and nutrition?

    What does wealth mean to you?

    What are your spending habits?

    What methods do you use to save money?

    How do you anticipate your spending habits will alter once you’ve married?

    Do you owe any money right now? If that’s the case, how are you going about paying off?

    Do you make purchases with a credit card?

    Do you agree that taking out loans to buy a new home is a good idea?

    What financial expectations do you have from your spouse?

    What is your share of the financial burden in the marriage?

    Do you think a working wife is a good idea?

    If that’s the case, how do you think a family with two incomes should handle money?

    Do you keep track of your expenses with a budget?

    Who are the persons to whom you are liable financially?

    Do you think it’s a good idea to hire babysitters and/or maids?

    Do you wish to start a family? Why isn’t that the case?

    Are you able to bear children, to the best of your knowledge?

    Do you intend to start a family during the first two years of your marriage? If not now, when will it be?

    Do you think abortion is a good idea?

    Do you now have children?

    What is your current connection with your kids?

    How well do you get along with their other parent?

    What kind of relationship do you think your spouse will have with your kids and their parents?

    What method(s) of child-rearing are the most effective?

    What are the most effective methods for disciplining children?

    What kind of upbringing did you have?

    Growing up, how were you disciplined?

    Do you think children should be spanked? What are the circumstances?

    Do you think your children can attend public school?

    Do you think your children must attend a religious school?

    Do you think your children should be educated at home?

    What kind of relationship should your kids have with their classmates and friends of different beliefs?

     If your children’s extended relatives lived in another state or country, would you send them to see them?

    What kind of relationship do you want your children to have with their entire family of grandparents?

    What kind of relationship do you want to have with members of my family who may be of a different religion/race or culture from me?

    WHY ASK THESE QUESTIONS?

    Asking these questions and diving deeper into what it truly means to be married is a great place to start your marriage. With the kind of marriages, we see around us today, almost everyone gets a little anxious about marriage. But you don’t have to stay anxious. I encourage you to continue to openly discuss these and any other topics that may arise. Cheers to a healthy, thriving marriage!

    See our self-help resources on premarital and marital guides below.

    CLICK HERE

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